I woke up this morning with a less-than-great feeling in my stomach. I immediately remembered my dream – a girl I used to call my best friend yelling at me, and me yelling back, from across a parking lot. This is not the first time I’ve had this dream (not this exact dream, but ones very similar to it), but I’m hoping it’s the last time. I emailed her this morning to patch things up. A few summers ago, my life did a complete 180. A lot of my former friendships ended during that summer, and it took me awhile, but I’m actually okay with that. I’m a strong believer that everything happens for a reason, and there is definitely a reason I’m no longer friends with certain people.
Well, I was okay with it for everyone except R. She was one of my best friends since first grade. We had a different kind of friendship – we had plenty of mutual friends, but when we hung out, it was usually just the two of us. That’s probably because, for the most part, when we hung out, it was because she just showed up at my door. She was like a second daughter to my parents. For example, whenever I’d come home from college for any kind of break, my mom would make stuffed shells for me. R always came over for dinner that night. It was just expected.
We had been growing apart little by little, but one night after I had moved to SC, we had a pretty major blow-up, and we hadn’t spoken since. I broke that silence this morning with a Facebook message. Waiting for her response (if she responded at all) was brutal, but she responded quickly. And said she’s been having similar dreams. (I need to do a whole post about dreams. Things like this happen too often.)
I know that our friendship will never be the way that it was. I’m okay with that. The thought of her not being a part of my life in any way, though? That’s something I was not okay with. And I’m glad today went the way it did. Because even if we only see each other every once in awhile when I’m in NJ, I can’t imagine seeing her at a bar and not giving her a big hug or not being able to tell her when something reminds me of her (because a lot of things do).
No pictures, no videos.. I just needed to get this out.